Everyone kept telling me how the 2nd trimester was the best phase of pregnancy to be in, but to tell you the truth, I didn't really feel that at the beginning. My 1st trimester symptoms luckily weren't too bad, so the transition into the 2nd didn't feel like much of a difference. I still dealt with the occasional nausea and tiredness and on top of that, there were new physical and emotional changes that began to set in.
When I first entered the 2nd trimester, I immediately got this painful numbing sensation in my upper right thigh. It occurred mainly when I was laying down and more so when I would try and sleep on my right side. I found out later that it was Meralgia Paresthetica caused by weight gain and the baby sitting on a specific nerve. My pelvic floor therapist was able to give me some stretches to do that relieved the sensation and sleeping on my left side helped but there were still some nights that I would wake up in excruciating pain. It has since died down a lot but I can still feel exactly where the sensation occurred if I touch my leg in that specific spot.
The weight gain not only caused some physical reactions in my body, but emotional ones. As someone who has struggled with my weight for most of my life, I have to admit that it has been hard to see the numbers on the scale go up so high. I know it’s a good thing and means the baby is growing but it still hard to not get fixated on. I was in that in between state of not really looking pregnant but just looking like I had gained weight and it was not a good feeling. I was definitely the most hungry at this time as well, so it felt like all the work I had done the past few years to obtain this healthy lifestyle, was going out the window. I finally popped at about 20 1/2 weeks and my mindset began to change. I actually began to feel more confident in my tighter clothes and reminded myself how lucky I was to be pregnant and that the physical changes were only temporary so I might as well embrace them. It's something I wish more women were open about because I can't imagine I am the only one with these thoughts.
My pelvic floor physical therapist has actually been such a great resource when it comes to my emotional health during this process. She always begins our sessions asking if there is anything I'm worried about or what I'm looking forward to when the baby comes. I really had a breakthrough in one of our sessions when she was doing some internal work and asked me about my past history. A lot of feelings came up regarding how I have been dismissed by so many doctors in the past or told what I felt was in my head or worse, normal. She felt a huge release when I mentioned my encounter with a specific doctor that was doing a physical exam where I was in complete tears because I was in so much pain and didn't even bat an eye. The anger I felt towards that doctor and really the western medical field in general overwhelmed me. I never realized how much pain and hurt I was holding on to there. It has been years of distrust that will take time to get over, but am so thankful to be starting that journey.
I had done the second round of genetic testing and received great news that all my tests came back normal. I was ready for my 20 week ultrasound when my doctor mentioned that they would be allowing guests to the appointments soon so decided to check in and see if that was happening yet. It wasn’t. I was in a pretty shitty mood that week and was not excited to go back to the doctors AGAIN solo. I even called them to try and push it back because I was just really distraught at the fact that I felt like I was doing this all on my own. I didn't have any friends in SF that were currently pregnant, Haj couldn't relate at all to what I was going through and he couldn't even come to any of the appointments. After venting about it and feeling sorry for myself for about 1/2 a day -- I got over it and went to the appointment. Everything looked good with the little babe according to the nurse and I was on my way!
That happened on a Friday and on Monday I had the follow up appointment with my doctor via zoom. My doctor mentioned that during the ultrasound the lateral ventricles in the brain looked to be enlarged. She wasn't crazy concerned, but did want me to go see a Stanford specialist just to get a second opinion. I tried not to freak out about it much and for the first time googling it actually helped calm my nerves. Normal lateral ventricles are less than 10mm and his were measuring at 10.5 and 10.8 which is considered to be mild ventriculomegaly (anything above 15 is considered severe). It said the 90-100% of babies recover if it's mild and it can either go away on it's own but it if doesn't they go on to live normal lives. There was also still the chance that they continue to increase.
So I went to see the specialist and spent 2+ hours taking what felt like hundreds of ultrasound photos and answering questions from the nurse. I was exhausted, dehydrated, and uncomfortable which was not a good combination. At the end the doctor finally came in and said they were have a hard time getting an accurate reading due to the positioning of the baby. I called Haj on speaker during this time so he could hear what the doctor was saying because I honestly was having a hard time concentrating. The doctor and nurse kept asking me if I was okay and when I finally was able to sit up I felt like I was about to faint. The nurse ran to grab me some water and that really helped but I was ready to get out of there. The baby finally moved a bit and they were able to get the correct measurements - which ended up being about 6mm and 8mm. What a relief. The doctor said I could come back later in the 3rd trimester f I was still concerned but I felt good about these results.
The next couple weeks went smoothly until there was a night where my whole body began to ache. I couldn't sleep and every position I laid in was uncomfortable. I woke up with pelvic pain, abdominal cramps, and sudden lower back pain. I honestly wouldn't have thought too much about it but I of course opened my pregnancy app because I was now at 24 weeks and one of the first things it listed was signs of preterm labor. I had every symptom listed on there (minus the bleeding) including leaking fluid which occurred the day before and again around the same time that morning. I was leaving for a trip the next day so figured I would call the doc just to be on the safe side. The nurse said she would like me to come in -- again just to be safe and test my fluid to make sure it wasn't amniotic fluid from the sac. She said the test needed to be done in the hospital and my doctor happened to be working in labor and delivery that day as well so she sent me there to get looked at. Haj was FINALLY able to go with me which I was so grateful for. We spent a few hours in the hospital tracking the baby's heart rate as well as my contractions and getting my fluid tested. The test itself set me back a bit because of how painful it was. I thought I was making so much progress with my pelvic floor PT and this just made me question again, if I could actually go through with a vaginal delivery. The nurse couldn't have been more sweet however and it was great to finally have Haj there for support. It took a couple hours to get the results back but the fluid showed to be normal which everyone was thrilled to hear. My doctor did mention that I may have a bladder infection however, so she prescribed me some antibiotics which I was hesitant to take.
I have a hard time taking medication in general because I have been prescribed so many things to help "fix" health issues without ever trying to get to the root of the problem. Antibiotics in particular have caused an array of gut issues including my on-going candida which still comes and goes, which is why I was so reluctant. I spoke with my mom who made it clear that I needed to follow my instinct of not taking them until seeing the actual test results. It took a week for them to get back to me and the test came back negative for a bladder infection. Even though I do like my doctor, it was frustrating to have someone I was starting to trust prescribe me medication that was not only unnecessary but could have been harmful, especially when she knows my history.
I was in a bit of a funk again when I met with my doula later that week and she recommended that I go see my acupuncturist who I wasn't planning on going back to see until the end of my 3rd trimester. I ended up going and felt more relaxed then I have in weeks walking out that door. She also prescribed me a natural product to help clear up my candida and reassured me that I had done the right thing by not taking the antibiotics. The following day I had a pelvic floor PT appointment and shared with her my concerns about the exam at the hospital. She reminded me that getting pregnant and having this baby is all part of my healing journey and I believe she is right. I have already learned so much about myself during these last few months and I know it is just the beginning.
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