I was originally supposed to be flying to Seattle today for my bridal shower and to be with my mom for Mother’s Day. It’s going to be in the 80's there this weekend - which is rare for this time of year. It would have been perfect. We ended up having to reschedule the shower for June and then again, for August.
My bachelorette party is currently TBD. My fiancé already had to cancel his. AND our wedding has been pushed back 5 months. I was hoping to be on our honeymoon in November, but now we will be doing last minute preparations and events for the new wedding date.
Among the busyness of trying to reschedule everything, I have found myself grieving. You might think that's an incorrect way to describe what I am going through -- no one died here right? But the truth is, you can grieve more than just the loss of someone and we are all grieving in one way or another during this time.
We are grieving our old normals and regular lives, we are grieving our alone time, we are grieving events and trips and experiences that have all been canceled due to this pandemic. We are grieving our friends and family that we are unable to see right now. And in worst case scenarios, people are actually grieving their loved ones that they have lost during this time.
My immediate thought when I came to the realization that I was grieving was guilt. Poor me that my wedding events have been messed up -- really?! What about the people who are unable to support themselves and their families? What about the people who are sick and can't get help because the hospitals are too full? What about the people who are dying right now? Etc. Etc.
And you might be feeling that guilt as well, but the fact is we are all human. We are entitled to feel our emotions, it doesn't mean we don't care or are selfish. As long as we recognize people are in worse situations and are empathetic to that, it is okay. We need to express and process our feelings to stay healthy and so we can help others. One of my favorite quotes by Glennon Dole captures it well.
"You are not supposed to be happy all the time. Life hurts and it's hard. Not because you're doing it wrong, but because it hurts for everybody. Don't avoid the pain. You need it. It's meant for you. Be still with it, let it come, let it go, let it leave you with the fuel you'll burn to get your work done on this earth.”
Our emotions and how we process them (or don't process them) impact our hormones and immune system. This recent grief and guilt has caused me to:
Have a hard time falling and staying asleep
Feel anxious throughout the day and especially at night
Have a hard time concentrating
Feel unmotivated
Experience low libido
Feel tired
I know I'm not the only one going through this. My therapist said last week that many of her clients, including herself, are experiencing low libido right now. In addition, many of my clients are having a hard time with sleep and digestion. The reason? STRESS. Although it's not the same stress you may feel when you have a deadline or 100 things to do, grief and guilt do put pressure on your adrenals glands to produce stress hormones. These stress hormones suppress the effectiveness of your immune system 70% of which, is housed in the gut. As always, it is all connected.
So what can we do? The main goal is to send signals to our body that the environment we are in is safe. Our body then responds by optimizing our hormones. Check out the ways I am sending signals of safety on a daily basis below:
i quickly fell out of my normal routine during quarantine, so I created a new normal which I talked about last week here.
In addition to that, getting up and showering every morning has really helped put me in a better mindset and be more productive.
When I eat better I feel better and it's really that simple. Loading up on S.O.U.L. (seasonal, organic, unprocessed, local) foods is ideal during this time.
Focus on your gut health.
Even though it's not the same grief I was experiencing with the loss of my friend, which I talk about in a previous post, It's OK to not be OK, the coping mechanisms are the same.
Grief, trauma, and loss all play a large role in our overall health. When you work with me 1:1 we talk all about it. In your initial consultation, I have you fill out a questionnaire which asks you to think about what you have gone through in your past or what you are currently dealing with now. We discuss what re-stimulates those feelings and how they affect your diet and health habits. If you are interested in checking out the questionnaire, please email me at hayley@awholisticlife.co.
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