Once I hit 36 weeks I was ready for baby to come at any time. I had already gone on maternity leave (CA allows you to take 4 weeks off prior to your due date) and after my recent doctor appointments I was convinced this little guy was coming early because they had said he was measuring "big" or 1 week ahead of schedule. Haj had even gifted me a Virgo bracelet during our birthing class, as we were certain that he would be here before September 22nd. Plus! I had also been doing ALL the things to get my body ready for labor which I talked about in my 3rd trimester update. If you read that however, you know that by the time I sent it out, it was my official due date and still no signs that he was coming any time soon.
My body felt as normal as it could for being 40 weeks pregnant. If they hadn't given me September 17th as my due date, there's no way I would have thought my body was ready to go into labor. I tried to be patient as I hit 41 weeks and then 41 +1, +2, etc. At this point the baby was getting monitored every 2 days and everything looked good - he was healthy! We talked about induction which was not part of my birth plan. I wanted to avoid it if I could, and have my body naturally go into labor. My doctor said she was comfortable going 41 and 6 days before she highly recommended being induced, so I figured I would wait until then. The closer I got to that date however, the more I was ready for him to just be here. And at this point was starting to get uncomfortable. My left rib was in so much pain as the baby's butt was sitting right on top of it. At my 10 days past due check-in, the were monitoring the baby and saw a slight dip in his heart rate. As a safety precaution, my doctor recommended I go across the street to the hospital for longer monitoring and that Haj go home to pick up our hospital bags in case they wanted us to stay. After a couple of hours - baby showed no signs of distress and said I could go home if I wanted to but that they recommend I come back the next day to start induction. I went over the pros and cons with Haj, the doctor, and my doula and ultimately decided on a less intense induction, (Cervidil) that would take about 12-36 hours to kick in. I was really hesitant about any sort of medical induction but this seemed like the lesser of the few evils (minus the Foley Bulb which we all agreed was not the right option for my body/condition). So I went home, showered, had a good dinner and then Haj & I headed back to the hospital that night to start the process. The idea was that they would insert the Cervidil and we would get a good night sleep before my contractions started kicking in, in the morning. This - along with the rest of my labor, did not go as planned.
We had arrived at the hospital around 7:30pm and by 10:00pm (about 2 hrs after the Cervidil was inserted) I started having contractions. They were strong and quickly ramped up to every 1 to 2 minutes apart. I was not mentally or physically prepared for it. The next 20+ hours are a bit of a blur to me as so much happened in that period. Haj and I started off going through all the laboring tools we had learned, from different laboring positions/breathing exercises, to using essential oils, taking advantage of sunken bath tub in our room (which I was really grateful for), using nitric oxide which I also found really useful as it helped me focus on my breathing (especially during cervix checks which were beyond excruciating for me). We tried to go as long as we could without calling our doula since it was the middle of the night but eventually had to as we were running out of options. She coached us over the phone for a few hours until I couldn't handle the pain anymore and decided I needed an epidural. I felt a bit defeated at this point as I had been laboring for about 6 hours all of which was back labor and it was beyond the pain I was expecting, especially since they had originally told me the baby was anterior so I likely wouldn't experience this type of labor pain. Clearly, he had moved at some point and we did whatever we could to try and get him to turn back.
It took awhile for the epidural process as there were a few steps/approvals that needed to occur first, one of which was a cervix check which showed that I was 3 cm dilated. Once the epidural kicked in Haj and I were both able to get some sleep (about 4 hours) but then I woke up to contraction pain again. The anesthesiologist had to come back in to reposition it as his original placement was too high. The repositioning gave me a couple more pain free hours until I started feeling everything again. My body was not responding normally to the medication which I also had a weird feeling about from the beginning which was another reason I had hoped to avoid going this route. I had gotten to 6cm at this point but my contractions started to slow down due to the epidural. The newest doctor ended up breaking my bag of waters to try to speed up the process again before having to go the next medically induced route of petocin, which I also really wanted to avoid. As our birth coach and doula had warned -- once you start the process of a medical labor, the more likely your body will continue to need to go that route because your hormones and body are all of of whack and are unclear what is going on. That being said, breaking the bag of waters didn't do much, and therefore, petocin was issued.
At this point my doula was with us in person and after trying again to get the baby to turn -- my pain was back full force and so intolerable, that we had to request a second epidural. A new anesthesiologist came in to place it and offered another couple hours of relief. By this point I had reached 9cm and was hoping the baby would be here soon! The one silver lining about the epidural not working for me was that I was able to move my legs and therefore, got on my hands and knees for one last time attempt to get the baby to turn. Unfortunately, it was not successful. After being at 9cm for about 4 hours, I started to get the final urge to push. We did a couple practice pushes before the final doctor came in to check me. During the final check we received some not-so-great news. I was still at 9cm and only one side of my cervix was effaced, stopping the active pushing process. She also informed me that I was losing a lot of blood - more than she felt comfortable with, and in addition to the baby being Occiput Posterior (OP), she estimated that he was about 9 pounds -- WHAT?! How had no one mentioned that to me before? I was in shock. She also said they were able to see some Meconium which worried her as well. Although it is possible to vaginally give birth to an OP baby - the process is a lot more difficult (and painful) as it is harder for the baby to get through the pelvis. All of these individual concerns combined led her to recommend that we go the C-Section route. Ugh. This is not what I wanted.
On the first 2 drafts of my birth plan, I hadn't even written about what I would like in case of a C-Section. I realized as I got closer to birth however, that I need to keep all of my options open and ended up having it on there as a "just in case". I honestly did not think this is where we would be and having to make this decision while I was fully feeling all of my contractions again was tough. I had asked if I could get more epidural as I could barely think straight at this point and although they typically don't do it at this point in labor, they made an exception for me. I also asked the doctor if she wouldn't mind stepping out so that I could discuss our options with my husband and doula.
Since I found out I was pregnant, I had said I would do whatever it took to have this baby vaginally. I had put in the work. I had spent thousands of dollars on pelvic floor physical therapy (and made so much progress this time!), practiced the Three Balances daily, drank the Red Raspberry Leaf tea, took and inserted Evening Primrose oil, did the perineal massages, used my pelvic floor wand, read Mindful Birthing, meditated, practiced breathing -- truly EVERYTHING. I wasn't ready to give up. In a final attempt to follow through with my wish of birthing vaginally, the doctor said she could try and manually turn the baby with her hand to see if we could move him face down. It was the most excruciating part of the whole labor and it was still unsuccessful. After she has stepped out -- my doula, Haj and I agreed that a cesarian seemed like the only feasible option left. We could be sitting here for hours waiting for my body to be ready for this final stage on it's own and it could come with risks and/or permanent damage. Our baby had already endured so much, I just wanted him to be here and safe.
The doctor came back in to explain the process of the c-section. Luckily, we had gone over it in my birthing class so I felt like I kind of knew what to expect and felt I could mentally prepare for it. The only other time I had been in an operating room was during my Endo surgery a couple years ago but for that I was only awake for a couple minutes of it. This was a whole different situation. She informed me that they typically give you an epidural but in my case - since my body hadn't been responding well, they would need to do a spinal tap that would cause me to not be able to move from my chest down for about 4 hours. As much as this freaked me out, it was better than the alternative of feeling something during the procedure.
In our birthing class, we talked about how you have to go in first to be prepped for about 10 mins and then they bring your partner in once the procedure is ready and in total it would take about 30 mins. I was aware of the screen that would be up and how there is a window so that you are able to see the baby. We also talked about the partner being able to get the baby first and then bringing them over to you. Having been in an OR before I knew how bright and sterile it would be -- not the type of environment I was hoping my little guy to be born into. It's quite traumatic to tell you the truth. What I wasn't aware of is the medicine they give you before the surgery that tastes like dimetapp and instantly made me feel nauseous. I spent my whole time in there throwing up and couldn't open my eyes because I felt so ill. I wasn't even able to hold the baby while we were in there because of it. It was a wild feeling being numb, awake, and still being able to feel the pressure of the entire procedure. They did warn me there would be a part that feels like you can't breath and even though I was prepared for it, it was still pretty scary. The told me afterwards that my muscles were contracting so tightly that they had a tough time getting him out and needed to make the incision larger.
Exactly 24 hours after this labor process started, Khari Singh Vetras Tut arrived on September 28, 2021 at 7:45pm - 9 pounds at 15 oz (even larger than they had estimated!). Despite some swelling and bruising from his attempt to get here - our beautiful baby boy was healthy! As soon as we got out of the operating room they were able to give him to me and he immediately latched, which I was so thankful for. The next couple hours are still a bit of a blur as I was exhausted from everything we had all endured. We spent the next 3 nights at the hospital and were so well taken care of. We've since had an unlimited amount of support from our family/friends, doula, and lactation consultant that I will forever be grateful for. In the end, it was not the experience I imagined myself having but I am so in love with Khari and can't imagine life without him. This process has taught so much and for that I am truly grateful. :)
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